LOW PASS

Thats one of the things I miss from before I had kids.......is the simply stupid and dangerous fucking about. Its all just a laugh.

Rock and roll

YEAAAAAAH CLASSIC

THE JERRYS ARE COMING ! DONT PANIC DONT PANIC !

Check out "THE BASTARDS" new staff car.
A real life 1942 WWII JEEP fucking excellent ! BIG ERN ,PETE aka the MAGICIAN, THE MESSIAH, BRUNO the dog model it off pretty well. This baby is going to be our little work horse for fucking about in...perfect. Ive alway dug these since I was a nipper. Its mental to drive ,its all or nothing .Let the clutch up and hold on. Its still got all the radio kit in it and it only blood works......so expect some "BROAD SWORD CALLING DANNY BOY". Looking forward to taking the cover off and putting the windscreen down and eating some flies. Still better than eating NAZI lead I guess.

CRACKING LITTLE 5 WINDOW

Heres a couple of likely lads checking out one of the sweetest rides at this years HAYRIDE.
Lovely little 5 window,chopped and channeled with in a inch of its life. I think theyve got it just right. This may have been my favorite of the weekend.Sits just perfect.
Do you know who owns it ? I want to pick their brains about patina protection.

KIDS BLESS 'EM

They say that a picture paints a thousand words, well I think this is one of those moments.


I came home from work to find our son had smashed the TV with his Wii remote ! "Did he have the strap on ?" I asked my wife, "no i thought i'd let you punish him" she said.

Jeff Decker's Lair - Part Two

I have the upmost respect for this fella. Man what a collection.

EXCELLENT

Check this out.

THE MESSIAH HAS SPOKEN

You may not be aware but 80% of the BASTARDOS are dedicated surfers of the ol' school variety. One particular offender being Guy aka THE MESSIAH.

Now Guy is unstable on land but quite the opposite on the wet stuff and is also a highly respected member of the surfing community.Getting involved in all kinds. He is also a major part is the 'CAMPBELL BROTHERS' surfboards resistence group being their spokes person and man incharge of the europe connections. His part goes under the name of HOUSE OF BONZER and has started a blog. Check him out and maybe throw him some support in the keeping of '70's style board design alive and well. He sings their praises and lets face it ,if anyone knows it would be him. If you want a genuine BONZER board THE MESSIAH can sort that dream out for you ,kind of like a JIM'LL FIX IT / JESUS type character only shadier.

Hes on our supported blogs go see.

SUCKERS

Check these Stacks out. Ive alway had a bit of a thing for them and Ive always wanted to do a build with some monsters, but im in two minds and want to know what you think ? When I started out with the '31 Tudor build it was going to be a proper traditional rod. But things are starting to swing more towards a '60's FREELOADER, What with the blower and that.Its all getting mighty tall .Now Ive got these stacks ,they pretty big and im not sure if they look GT40ish as they are or I should just say fuck it and stretch them by 8-10's and have them higher that the roof line. Just go fully wildman on her. After all theres no such thing as being TOO tall when youre talking stacks. So what do you reckon ? Go ape shit or what.

Talking of Monkey men my mate Trawler has graced us with a joke that doesnt involve me :

My racing snail was losing races, so I took his shell off to make him more aerodynamic !

If anything its made him more sluggish !!!

Classic

FLUFF 'N' INK

Trawler and Mary deside to try a 69.
Trawler has never done one before so Mary says she show him.
She tell him to lie down on the floor and she squats over him.
As she lowers herself onto his face she farts, apologising she tries again but farts again.
Trawler jumps up and storms out shouting " I'll be buggered if Im going to hang around for another 67 of them".




Fluff with ink my favorite.

YEA I JUST GOT MY FIX !

Dont you just love it when you get home from a shit day at work and theres a parcel waiting for you ? I hooked myself up with these two pairs of front 45 fin Buick brakes. They look the nuts and I was lucky to get them. I paid the fucking bloke over 3 months ago for these babies and I think he was trying to pull a fast one on me. Weak excuses ,emails ignored you know the scene.In the end managed to trick his number out of him by pretending to be someone else ! Yea fucking great. Still got them in the end. Should be interesting getting them to fit on the back. Ive come across something special for the backing plates.Bit cut cutting and shutting. They'll look mental but wont stop for shit. But hey style costs.

An old lady was sitting with her husband when all of a sudden she parps up " You know what dear,I think my tits are hotter now than they were 30 years ago". The husband goes "You silly cow thats cos ones in your tea and the others in your fucking porridge".

SEE YA LATER LEZZA

"We need to get this woman to a hospital". Old Lezza checked in at the big check out today. Thanks mate for one of the funniest films of all time. Every scene a cracker.

(Mental note to myself) Must play the theme tune to POLICE SQUAD in my head for the rest of the day as a sign of respect.........Da daa da daa da daa da dad dad da da

SALT SHAKER UP FOR GRABS

Check this little Salter up for grabs on Ebay right now. Im digging it big time.Love that nose cone and teardrop on the hood.This must be a right laugh.Forget about buying Christmas prezzies for the wife and kids.Get this for yourself instead,you deserve it.They dont appreciate you as much as we do.You know its true. Go get your money heres the Ebay number #280593922177 . Tell them you'll get them a Buzz lightyear next time round.


I sent my wife an email today saying " I wanted to spend the night fucking till I was red raw", but I accidently sent it to my Nan instead ! ........Now I have to drive to bloody Devon !

PLYMOUTH PLEASURES

That reminds me ,hows my old mate TRAWLER doing ?

'52 PANHEAD ENGINE with title FOR SALE

Fucking computers playing up !

Right lads here you go ,Im selling my '52 PAN engine with title. Correct cam cover,complete (carb,intake and that) apart from the misplaced pistons ha ha yea great ! They can be gotten easy enough.Everything is cool with it. I might put it on ebay at some point but I thought i'd offer it to you lot first. Seens we all like the same shit and that.

If you are serious then let me know. You can be that man with this motherfucking Pan. You dig ?

I was walking through Tescos the other day when this blonde came up to me and said "youre the father of one of my children !". "Shit" i said "youre not one of those dirty whores I shagged a year ago are you ? I was doing coke of your tits while the other one jabbed me in the arse with that cucumber ". "eeer no Im your son's teacher" .

'52 PANHEAD MOTOR with title FOR SALE

PANHEAD MOTOR get 'em while theyre hot theyre lovely.
Here we go lads im selling my '52 PAN engine with title.

ONE LAST RIDE

Ive sold my Triumph so im rideless ! Some fella from the HA bought it and was well chuft.Sad to see it go......still never mind I have something else fixed in my sights. Oo I hear you say but I wont say what Im gonna do yet as I have to secure its motor first.You know how it is,if I say something then some other fucker is going to nip in an steal it.Kiss of death and that.

My girlfriend finished with me today....she says our sex life is TOO kinky ! I was so suprised I nearly choked on her piss !

THINGS LIKED LIKE TO RIDE #8

The more I look at this the more I dig it. Showing a nice bit of patina too.Always a fan of that. If you know anything about this ride let us know ? Or if its yours give yourself a pat on the back, cos we at LOS BASTARDOS love it.

The Police came to my door today holding a photograph of my Mrs. " Is this your wife ?" They asked. A little shocked I said "yes". They said "Im affraid it looks like she's been hit by a car". "Yes I know but shes great with the kids".

DANCE MOTHERFUCKER

You asking ? Then i motherfucking dancing.

MAGNEEEEEEEETOTOTOTOOOO

Magento double bill.
Check this little beauty...hey..hey. Yea this is going to give that flathead a right zap up the arse. Original Vertex with ol'school cap.Niiiice

New mate to the LOS BASTARDOS crew. Paulie from MAGNETOZOO. Hes a right geeza just like us lot. These here stickers he sent us are the nuts.Thats the best ive seen in ages. Thanks mate. Check out his blog on our recommended Bovver boys.

LOS BASTARDOS MENTALITY IN A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY

Oh man I dig this sooo much,

THINGS I'D LIKE TO RIDE #7

Both these rides talk to me. They say "HELL YEA". Do they talk to you ? If not then go away. Quicklie quicklie. Get the fuck out of here Scumbag.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE

My wife was dying and I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice "there's something I must confess". "Sssh" I said "there nothing to confess, everything's all right". "No I must die in peace. I fucked your brother, his best friend, your best friend and your father !". "I know" I whispered "That's why I poisoned you, you cunt, now close your eyes".

THINGS I'D LIKE TO RIDE #6

Yea you know it. Ive always had a thing for fluff in tube socks.Shes so fine I dont have to say shit !

The funny thing is I wearing exactly the same grundies as her.......They cut in like fuck but I look smoking.

I think its safe to say that im a VAGINATARIAN

THE NAPPERS

This has to be the coolest patch Ive ever seen. Theyre a bunch of '70s style van reoffenders. Always kitted out with a plastic sheet, a shovel and a roll of Duck tape.

Whats the problem with Ninja porn ? You never see them coming.

UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT

Right FILLER here,there are going to be a few changes on the LOS BASTARDOS blog. First off SEB no longer wishes to contribute to the blog.So I think I talk for everyone in saying thank you for your massive contribution.I would also like to stress that SEB is not responsible for any further comments made on this blog and has nothing to do with future posts or points of view .
NEXT I FEEL THAT I NEED TO CLARIFY A FEW GROUND RULES OF THE LOS BASTARDOS BLOG.
1. This site is posted by BIKERS, RODDERS and PEOPLE WITH MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES. It is meant soley for BIKERS, RODDERS,PEOPLE WITH MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES and other PEOPLE WHO GENERALLY DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING. So just to be clear its NOT meant for wifes,kids or the overly sensitive and easily offended individuals.
2. There will be regular amounts of swearing. As used in the real world, like on building sites, garages, workshops and pubs.Man talk. For example (bollocks ,shit ,fuck and soapy tit wank). I write as I talk a spade is a spade.
3. Offensive jokes i'd say thats a big YES. We'll pretty much laugh at anything.Often the cruder the better.Piss taking is a big part of the LOS BASTARDOS. We love to take the piss and feel free to take the piss out of us. Its only fair. We're only having a laugh so dont cry. You big fucking girl.
4. Nudity.........fuck yea, i love all that shit. We got red blood in our vains and we hope you do too. So a little FOO FOO appreciation never hurt anyone.

Right ive already had enough of writing rules.....I dont follow rules ,rules are shit. i couldnt give a fuck what THE MAN says i'll ride and drive as fast as I like, talk shit with my mates and laugh my arse off.It makes for good living.
So basically if you have a life and arent easily offended by the written word then you are more than welcome to join us. If not then PLEASE dont go on any further.SERIOUSLY this isnt meant for you.
A wise man once told me "Its all just a laugh and doesnt mean shit". Can you dig ?

it's been emotional

Well, not that emotional really. I've come to a decision that I don't really want to be involved in writing this blog any more, so Mr Filler, it's all yours, bruv.

I'd just like to say a genuine heartfelt thanks to those of you who've read the blog, left comments, or taken the time to register as followers. This sense of community is what's made it all worthwhile.

Adios mucachos- and ride safe.

BLOWER !

Now when I say "BLOWER" the thing you'd probably think of is Trawler earning some extra pennies down the docks. But no thats not the case not this time anyway, we're going to leave our little monkey man alone. I'm talking SUPERCHARGERS and check out this badboy.This should be more than enough to scatter that Flathead all over Dorset. Yep damn right hook me up with some of that action. Infact I think it even comes with an AA membership.

Aaah man I had a SUPER WANK today, its the same as having a regular wank but I get to wear a cape.

get tudors right...

...and they look radio rental? You said it brother D, and this dude's ticked ALL the boxes! Mate I can see why you've gone for one of these, and I gotta know- was this flatblack prostreet badboy your inspiration? I'm diggin' it so bad I've nearly thickened up. Alien skulls rule.

Actually I'm not even sure what this thing is meant to be- it's got the look of one of those kinda daft c-cab model T things. Whatever, I'm calling the bad taste cops.

ya can't buy class

In this case, actually you can, cos it's on ebay right now, not exactly a giveaway but then again neither is it 17 large like Brian Setzer's trump. It's a tribsa with struts and a host of kool stuff that just makes it look so right. That tank's wicked, and (for once) the apes and sissy bar actually add to the look. The shot's pretty good too with that good ol' mk 2 in the background.

WINTER PROJECT ? OH SHIT HERE WE GO AGAIN.

Yo yo yo MoThErFuCkInG ho its that time of year again lads...WINTER PROJECT time. Get that money ,some creative juices, a hand full of blag, a chunk of fluke ,push it as close to a marriage break up as possible, then a little bit further and fingerscrossed it comes out wild. I've always had a hard on for original paint so this little gem was a tissue grabba. Actually branching off quickly does anyone have any new ideas on how to presevre this ? I dont want sticky but most of all I dont want shiny.I have all the usual stuff but they all have their drawbacks.Any new ideas then lads ?

Ive got some trick shit on their way and Im full of stooopid ideas. I'll keep you informed on all triumphs and fuck ups.The LOS BASTARDOS lads are all stepping up to help out,BIG ERN, THE MAGICIAN (Pete ) and some distractions,moral support and blessings from THE MESSIAH.

So shit here we go again. Get Tudors wrong and they look like a sack of wank but get them right and they look fucking radio rental.First off the strip down of the 255 Merc flathead which is going push this GILF a long.NEXT TIME FOLKS:Trick bits

The mongoose and the snake

I guess silly nicknames must be part of US drag racing folklore-these two certainly are. Don 'the snake' Prudhomme and Tom 'Mongoose' Mcewen ruled fuel funny car back in the 70s. Fortunately, less well-known were jerry 'fudge' packer and tom 'uphill' gardener. ok, I made the last two up.

Sweet inspiration fer a tudor chop

Too much is clearly never enough.
Maybe some ideas should stay where they're hatched- in a drunken haze down the rub-a-dub...or sports bar or wherever our US cousins get their 'suds'.



On a different matter, I was in my usual sunday position, that is on the 6-6 shift, thankyou southwestern ambulance service....truckin' down the road when BAM my vision is filled with an oncoming rod, respendent in red oxide in the autumn sun, then I see it's bastardos bruvva Guy then I crane my neck to see him rollin' down the road and I gotta tell you, the stance on this fucka(the car not Guy!) is BADASS. Great job Guy, Pete and Ern, that thing just rules.

I HAD FORGOTTEN HOW GOOD THEY WERE.

THE CRAMPS : naked girl falling down the stairs.

sled action

ain't so bad...

...livin' down here- was looking for pinstriping gear the other day and stumbled across this mob, they're only down the road. They do all the one-shot enamels, and thinners etc you need too, plus a good range of Mack brushes. Gonna be building up my stash one brush at a time, maybe santa might even bring me one.

check these out - PIX EDITED

Got a cool email today from alex over at http://electricsolos.com. He's a time-served tattoo artist who's developed a way of inking-up leather for use on bike seats etc. Pretty kool, huh? Plenty of others think so too, he's been in The Horse backstreet choppers and American Ironworks to name but two. Edit - I managed to sort the thumbnails out so you can see how good this guys work is.

gotta love lowbrow

Here's a little hotrod art for your delectation; as Lux Interior once crooned on 'You got good taste'(classic by the Cramps, surely you don't need me to tell ya)- 'I don't know about art, but I know what I like'. Words to live by.